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Two weeks ago I was preparing to leave to lead a weekend retreat that promised lots of time to sit, knit, unwind, and relax. But, as it happens with these things, the flu had gone round our house in the weeks leading up to my departure and I was still feeling the effects of lingering sinus problems. As I drove out to Sky Meadow Retreat Center in NorthEastern Vermont I was thinking how this was not the first time I had been struck by illness or other weird physical disaster when trying to get to a Yoga and/or Meditation workshop or weekend! In April of 2007 I came down with a cold right before an awesome weekend with Jill Satterfield of Vajra Yoga. In April 2008 I infamously broke my toes on the way to Kripalu for a weekend with Dennis Genpo Merzel, Roshi and spent the weekend in physical pain but an open mind and heart.

Despite not feeling 100%, I was thrilled to experience the fruitful coming together of a wonderful group of knitters. Everyone fell into a groove of sharing and friendship. There was laughing, knitting, yoga, guided relaxation, meditation instruction, and fabulous food. I enjoyed getting to know everyone and hearing about their interests and passion for knitting. I am especially grateful to those who worked on the charity blanket! We have plans for an early Fall (September 2010) retreat and maybe even a Spring one as well!

Ironically, I didn't actually complete much knitting during the weekend - probably because I was visiting so much (I don't talk and knit at the same time very well!) I kept knitting the same 42 rows of the Wool Peddler's Shawl over and over. Every time I got stuck I would try again but no dice. The frustrating thing is that it was just garter stitch! I have since spoken to others who had the same problem - maybe we were lulled by the simplicity and just lost count? However the good that came out of this "stuck-ness" was that I realized I had been using the wrong needle size. So I ripped it out and experimented with a few sizes before settling on an 8 when I came home. Had I not messed-up and gotten stuck, I wouldn't have been forced to slow down and take another look at what I was doing in a fresh way.

Upon returning home, my head-cold turned into a full-fledged sinus infection. I felt so bad I actually had to go to the doctor! At some point, I couldn't even knit; I just lay there. But I had a lot of time to sit and meditate and really just experience my thoughts and emotions. My "stuck-ness" became a slowing down point and allowed me to mentally process quite a few things that had been going on in my life. Mike is now working and his job enables us to stay here in Vermont with some travel. We are very grateful! But the past 5 months have left me at a personal cross-roads.

Yoga-wise, I am still seeing a few private students but I have not resumed my group class teaching schedule. I am not sure I will. For several reasons I really need to be available to the kids more right now. I am contemplating either a return to the corporate world next year and/or completing my long-forgotten PhD work. On the knitting front, I have some clarity now on the Knitting and Yoga book and the direction I want to take with that as well as a renewed time line (thanks, JoAnne!) and I have an exciting new blog/book project that I will debut soon!

As much as I always enjoy time away, being back home is also good. I am settling in to a time of balance and healing for my family and myself. As I always admonish my students, "it is only when you nurture yourself first that you can have compassion for others."

Join us on Fiber Arts Friday and add your link!

Knitting To Stay Sane

This past Sunday I was honored to facilitate a Knitting, Yoga, and Meditation workshop at the Vermont Sheep & Wool Festival. I met wonderful people and it was great to just partake in a day of fibery goodness. It was a rare day out for me; With the exception of a few close friends, I have been keeping to myself quite a bit these days. I have been enjoying the shorter, cooler days and have been baking bread and making soup....and...of course...lots of knitting. I've finished up some languishing WIPs (like the Skinny Ribbon Scarf in Hempathy that only needed binding off - one year later)...and I've begun many new ones (of course)! These last few weeks have been tough for us with still no job certainty, family illness, etc. I know that the things that are going on in our life are not unique to us. One of the lessons I am taking from this process is how to truly open my heart up to the pain of others. I realize now how we really are "One"...but I still have my moments of needing to go inward and that is when I turn to my yarn and needles. My mind might be whirling, but the knitting helps to give me that space.

In honor of the completion of the Knitted Poem (inspired by How To Knit A Poem by G. Lewis), here is a poem about Knitting As Therapy, also by Gwyneth Lewis

Hypnosis Knitting

A day of wordless misery,
thorns in the heart
that refuse to budge.

No matter, I'm keeping company
with myself, though hurting,
redeeming time that was torturing me.

My grandmother's craftwork,
I suddenly see,
was self-medication,

her fanciest knitwear
anti-depressant hosiery:
a stance against her melancholy.

This pattern wants only rhythm from me:
no judging, no knowing,
just moving on

into a future. I'm working three
axes. First a new personality
made from my patience.

Second, a scarf
composed in calm,
a respite from my usual self-harm.

The third is my finest.
Look! I've unpicked
myself from my worry, a delicate stitch

into the present. No one can see
this last. Mindfulness charges the air,
arrays me in intricate gossamer.

Gwyneth Lewis

© 2007, the BBC
From: How to Knit a Poem
Publisher: BBC Radio 4, London, 2007

Staying Grounded

I have been at a stand still in so many areas of my life right now. I feel like I can't make a move until I know for sure about so many things. I have had to be generous with myself regarding goals. Ironically once we geared up to move, it looks like we might stay here (keep your fingers crossed re: job interviews for DH). School will be starting in two weeks for the kids. I never did do that "deep cleaning" of the house. I have put my yoga teaching schedule "on hold" while I wait to make some decisions regarding my own career (i.e. will I go back into the "corporate world?") Yet the Retreat is still on and almost completely full! AND, I have been knitting socks like crazy!

Why do I love to knit socks? On a practical level I know that they will look good on me; they are small enough to complete fairly quickly; and, let's face it, who doesn't love sock yarn! I found a great book (Socks From The Toe Up by Wendy D. Johnson) along with a Ravelry KAL (knit-a-long) group for the book. The patterns are just the right amount of a challenge for me. On a spiritual level I feel very grounded when I work on socks. There is something so very basic about the feet. The foundational yoga asana of Mountain Pose (Tadasana) begins with an awareness of the bottoms of the feet: our connection to the earth. The very act of thinking about the sensation of the feet on the earth is often enough to take us out of our mind and away from the mental chatter. In classes I use the image of "exhaling out through the soles of the feet" as a way to stay connected with the body.

Today, take a few moments to think about the feet, and what they do for you. Ask yourself what other things/people/activities in your life help to keep you grounded?

Unraveling

Well, things are still up in the air for us still right now. Not knowing if/where/when we might be moving is a big lesson in impermanence, I tell ya! On a practical level, I am starting to put things in motion as if we are moving. A big part of me feels a bit as if I am *unraveling*, to put it in knitting terms. I am undoing in order to make something new again. I have been trying to just really sink into the direct experience of everything but without getting caught up in any over-thinking. Surprisingly I am finding that time is flying instead of dragging and I am finding new ways to be mindful and present. I guess that is what happens when the *planning* part of our brain stops and the *unfolding* and just happening begins. I have been using this in limbo time to really enjoy digging in to the various sock patterns I am working on, including, the aptly named "On-Hold" by Wendy Johnson, from the fabulous book: Socks From The Toe Up. I just started on these the other night so I haven't had much of chance to progress, but I like them so far....